Friends

So I was thinking last night (imagine that) while stocking the cereal aisle about stuff other than cereal. Being on third shift lets me catch up with my thoughts; no one bothers me too much. Anyway, I decided that I really don't talk to anyone, and when I do it comes out a discombobulated mess because my mouth can’t keep up with my thoughts. Believe it or not, my fingers can. I’m so glad I took two years of typing in high school. So I decided to go this route as therapy for myself, to express myself. Sometimes the guitar just doesn’t cut it.First, I will say a lot about perspectives, mine, other peoples’. I learned a lesson, or had an “aha” moment yesterday into last night. I was told that someone thinks I’m obsessed about someone else. At first I was really defensive, but then thought about it last night. It’s odd, I’m rarely called that, and when I am the word has an –ive at the end and followed by the word “compulsive”. So my thought process went like this – “Wtf, dude doesn’t even know me.” Aha, put myself in his shoes; he doesn’t know the full story, and if I knew as little as he did, I would think that I’m obsessed also. Besides, when did I start caring what anyone thought of me? And, he’s somewhat right. For my “work friends” (Facebook list) this will come as a shock, for any family, it won’t. When I think about it, I do get obsessed, it’s part of the addict in me (no, I haven’t used drugs for 18 years). If I find something that I find pleasing, I become obsessed with getting it and more of it. That can be anything from alcohol, drugs, sex, chocolate, ice cream,to cake, etc. But I have to remember to control it, and that “too much of a good thing can be bad” (Got this from Yo Gabba Gabba, yes Evan is allowed to watch it). All that to say, please don’t judge if I’m right or wrong, my thoughts are dependent on my perspective, you may have more or less life experiences than I do. I may change my perspective from day to day, depending on what happens to me. I was also asked if I was going to post that I felt “used & abused” on Facebook. The answer was no, but not on my Wall where everyone can see as soon as they go to Facebook. I do feel a little used (abused, I like that too much), but nothing that I’m not over in about..., well, I’m over it. I’m joking if you didn’t notice, I’ve got a little thicker skin than that, and I love Kanye’s song “What doesn’t kill me only makes me stronger”. I should be Superman by now.So I am writing mainly as an outlet for myself; I may publish on Facebook, Twitter, or MSN places, or not. If you don’t like what I’m saying, don’t read it. If someone can relate and feel not as alone as I feel sometimes, and realize that they aren’t unique in their situation, then it’ll be well worth it.So my thought is on friends. I got a Facebook message last week something to the effect of “Dude, who can you really trust?” My response to that was “Basically no one but myself.” I don’t like that answer, but I do. It says first of all that I’m not willing to trust anyone with my feelings, and in the last year that has become even truer. Second, it says I’m a fool for trusting myself. Lol. Yes, I do have a trust issue. But when I really think about it, I call quite a few people “friend”. For example, my friend Becky in Watertown, my friend Peg, my buddy Dick (another Watertown person), and my buddy Mike at Jefferson…. What I’m getting at is do I really call people my friend because I consider them my friend and trust them, or is it just a term? The conclusion is that, yes, I really trust them and tell those things I don’t tell everyone. So what got me thinking about this was my status post last night. The comment I saw when I woke up was “ GN! My friend :-) “It was so innocent, but I had never thought of this person as really a “friend”, but still it was nice to say. (I am now reevaluating this online “friendship”). Sometimes I hear the term at work. “Gene, my friend”, but usually following that, the person wants something from me. It’s really nice and sincere when I hear it from a customer, “Sir, how are you my friend”. Too bad he doesn’t have a Facebook. I also posted last week that a stranger is just a friend you haven’t met yet. I still believe this. With that, I’m proud of my growth as a person, I used to hate being around people. I thank Walmart for my growth in this area of my life. It’s very difficult to work at Walmart and hate being around people. Uh-oh, Walmart did something good for an individual that works for them, don’t tell anyone. j/k So those are my thoughts that I needed to get out. To everyone who is reading this:Have a good day my friends!